Backstage at the 1999 Miss California Pageant

By Emily Tallman

Miss San Francisco is holding up her breasts

While I apply silver duct tape, two layers

To lift and separate. My own suit is padded,

And tailored to hide my tattoos.

In two weeks of rehearsals I’ve learned to dance

In two-inch high-heeled pumps,

How to smile for over an hour,

And which is my best side.

Five minutes before the bathing suit competition

They line us up and spray our buttocks

With glue to keep our suits from riding up.

Onstage, the stickiness pulls at my skin

As I strut and grin and pose.

In the photos I am bronze and shining:

Teeth white, lips red, earrings sparkling.

You can’t even see the quarter-size circle

Of bare scalp behind my ear

Where I’ve nervously pulled out each hair,

One by one.

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